6:20 AM — Baby is stirring. Alarm doesn’t go off for another ten minutes. I am opposed to getting up before the alarm. She can wait another ten minutes, surely.
6:22 AM — Okay, okay, I’m up.
6:45 AM — Baby is fed, diaper changed. Spousal unit is hitting snooze yet again. Time to get moving. Take a deep breath. I can do this.
6:55 AM — Bowls of cereal, ready for milk, on the table. Juice poured. Why is no one else up yet?
7:00 AM — Yes, yes, I know you don’t want to get up. You have a whole lifetime of getting up when you don’t want to ahead of you. Better get used to it. Now, get in there and eat your cereal.
7:05 AM — Honey, that alarm is not going to shut itself off. And these dogs are not going to feed themselves. I thought you said you had to be at work early today.
7:15 AM — Sweetie, I’m so proud of you for using your spoon. I just wish you had not knocked your still half full bowl on the floor. That’s okay. I’ll get it after we get you dressed.
7:20 AM — I don’t know where you put your homework, dear. I asked you to put it in your folder and to put your folder in your backpack. If you can’t do that, you’re on your own.
7:45 AM — Okay, kids are dressed and ready to go. Mess left in their wake is minimal. Time to load up.
8:10 AM — We’re back. Baby can swing and sister can watch a movie while I grade last week’s journal entries. This working from home is a cinch!
8:17 AM — No, child, you cannot have more juice. Your primary source of hydration should not be juice. It makes your poop smell weird. Speaking of which, do you need to go potty? You’re three years old now. Shouldn’t you be able to inform your parental unit when you need to do your business by now?
8:20 AM — You can continue throwing a fit if you want, but you’re not getting juice. I set a cup of water for you on the table. Take it or leave it. Now, I have to finish grading these papers.
8:46 AM — Hi, Honey. How sweet of you to call. Yes, we got her off to school okay. There was only one minor hair-pulling incident, but I didn’t yell at anybody, and the guilty party admitted to her misdeed. Apologies made. What’s that? What about her hair? Crap, I forgot to brush her hair!
9:02 AM — You want a puzzle? What happened to watching your movie? I really need to get these journals graded. Oh why not? It’s time to feed the baby anyway.
9:07 AM — Um, no, I cannot work the puzzle with you. Can’t you see I’m feeding your sister?
9:23 AM — Let me get this straight. Now that I’m available to work the puzzle, you don’t want to anymore. And now that the movie is finished, you want to watch it. I suppose I could start it again and hope that you stay interested long enough for me to get some work done.
9:37 AM — Didn’t I just talk to you, Honey? No, I’m all right. It’s just a little hard to get much done around here. Sure, I can remind you to call the bank tomorrow.
10:05 AM — You want lunch? It’s not even 11:00 yet. Here, have some fruit snacks. No, I already told you no more juice. And that smell would be why. Come on, let’s go change you. Yes, I’ll pause the movie you’re not watching.
10:12 AM — Oh, I have a great idea for a blog post! Really inspirational. It will have to wait, though. I’m no closer to getting those papers graded.
10:16 AM — What was that noise? Dear child, if you had wanted a book, why couldn’t you have chosen one at the top of the pile? Why are your books stacked like that anyway? Someone could get hurt. Shoot, I just remembered the library books were due yesterday. I guess I can drop them off on the way to pick up the kid from school.
10:25 AM — What do you mean you’re hungry? Didn’t I just give you some fruit snacks? Oh, here they are. I’ll make you some lunch after I finish grading these papers. Go finish your movie.
10:47 AM — I suppose it’s close enough to lunch. What do you want? A peanut butter sandwich or a quesadilla? Okay, quesadilla, it is.
11:03 AM — Let’s wash your hands for lunch. Here’s your quesadilla. What do you mean you want a peanut butter sandwich? You said you wanted a quesadilla!
11:07 AM — No, NO JUICE! Now, eat the frickin’ quesadilla!
11:13 AM — Mommy’s sorry she yelled. Here’s your peanut butter sandwich.
11:17 AM — Yes, Honey, everything’s fine. No, I didn’t remember to get trash bags just like you didn’t remember to take out the trash this morning. Oh, I’m sorry. Did I say that out loud?
11:30 AM — No, we’re not starting the movie again. We need to wipe the peanut butter off your face, and then you’re taking a nap. YES, A NAP! No, Mommy’s not yelling.
11:37 AM — Maybe now that she’s down, I can finally finish grading those journals. Oh wait, here she comes. GO BACK TO YOUR BED!
11:46 AM — Hmmm, she’s in bed, but she’s playing with her toys rather than napping. Do I go back there and get on to her, or do we both pretend she’s napping like she’s supposed to? She is in her bed, which is where I told her to be. Maybe now, I can get my work done.
12:01 PM — Oh good, the baby’s awake. So much for getting anything done.